Book Review: Untamed
Author: Glennon Doyle
Rating: 5
Synopsis (via Goodreads): There is a voice of longing inside every woman. We strive so mightily to be good: good mothers, daughters, partners, employees, citizens, and friends. We believe all this striving will make us feel alive. Instead, it leaves us feeling weary, stuck, overwhelmed, and underwhelmed. We look at our lives, relationships, and world, and wonder: Wasn’t it all supposed to be more beautiful than this? Four years ago, Glennon Doyle, author, activist and humanitarian, wife and mother of three—was speaking at a conference when a woman entered the room. Glennon looked at her and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind: There She Is. At first, Glennon assumed these words came to her from on high. Soon she realized that they came to her from within. Glennon was finally hearing her own voice—the voice that had been silenced by decades of cultural conditioning, numbing addictions, and institutional allegiances. She vowed to never again abandon herself. She decided to build a life of her own—one based on her individual desire, intuition, and imagination. She would reclaim her true, untamed self.
Review: This book was on one of the lists I stumbled on after I googled, "books to read after a breakup." Holy heck does this one belong on that list (and all others like it).
Untamed is raw, powerful, and encouraging. Doyle shares personal stories and the realizations she made from them in a straight-forward, tough love type of way. Nothing is sugar coated in this book - it's more of a grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-shake-you mood which I loved. She starts off telling a story about a trained cheetah in a zoo (I was hooked once she said zoo) and how her daughter made the observation about the animal turning "wild again" after its presentation. This is when Doyle acknowledged the cages around her own life; the cages that society puts us in - and she takes off from there.
If I had my own copy of this book, I'm not sure that one page would be left un-highlighted. There were so many times as I read that my internal monologue would scream, "YES, SO TRUE, THAT'S RIGHT." I caught myself saying, "Woah, that's so good," more than once. I wanted to write down every sentence that stuck out to me. I want to gift this book to each and every one of my girlfriends and force them to read it so that they understand how truly amazing and capable and wild they are; to make them see the cages they have been put in since birth; to encourage them to strive for more; to make them aware of their Knowing.
Speaking of which, I loved her concept of the Knowing. I loved her metaphor about how feelings are like delivery men dropping off a core belief at your doorstep asking if you wanted to return it, exchange it, or keep it. I loved her impactful one-liners (many of which could be used as Instagram captions). I loved how I couldn't put this book down. I craved more with every turn of the page. I've read Rachel Hollis' books - and this had a little bit of the same vibe - but there was something more about Untamed that I enjoyed. Maybe because privilege wasn't as blatantly obvious (I had to say it).
I want to memorize this book like I memorize scripture.
“I will not stay, not ever again - in a room or conversation or relationship or institution that requires me to abandon myself.”
“It’s okay to feel all of the stuff you’re feeling. You’re just becoming human again. You’re not doing life wrong; you’re doing it right. If there’s any secret you’re missing, it’s that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that’s what they’re for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that you’re doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes.”
“I am here to keep becoming truer, more beautiful versions of myself again and again forever. To be alive is to be in a perpetual state of revolution. Whether I like it or not, pain is the fuel of revolution. Everything I need to become the woman I’m meant to be next is inside my feelings of now. Life is alchemy, and emotions are the fire that turns me to gold. I will continue to become only if I resist extinguishing myself a million times a day. If I can sit in the fire of my own feelings, I will keep becoming.”
Like you can't tell me that those quotes stir up something inside of you. I've abandoned myself one too many times, so quote number one became a promise I made to myself. Never again will I lose myself by trying not to lose someone else. I have a terrible relationship with my feelings - I'm not that great at processing them, I'm worse at communicating them, and I'm absolutely terrible at restraining myself from acting out because of them. Being reminded to feel it all (and then later being presented with the delivery metaphor) has helped me kickstart the analysis stage when feelings start to bubble up. I had been told time and time again to let myself feel all the feelings by one friend after the other (seriously, I have some amazing friends), but every time one would surface I would get so angry with myself. I didn't want to feel; I wanted to heal. I wanted to get over it. In order to that, however, would mean that I have to feel all the feelings. Hearing that even the hard ones are okay, helped me accept them a little bit more. I'm still working on it, though.
I read mixed reviews about Untamed after I finished reading it. Yes, Doyle's tone may come across as though she has it all figured out and she's the best of the best when it comes to adulting, but honestly, that's the point she's trying to make: that we are all able to have it figured out when we trust our Knowing and that we can choose to be our best once we cast aside the societal expectations and fight for ourselves. This was the first book I read by Glennon Doyle, but it won't be my last...
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